Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
