Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
