Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
