no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
