When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
