I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
