His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
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