I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
