She's JV to your varsity
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
