she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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