I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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