don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
