Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
