i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
