Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
