Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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