Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
she pinky promised me she was 18
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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