I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
