I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Idk if I want to put a bra on
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
