Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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