Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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