I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
