Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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