Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
