Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The best revenge is premature balding
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
