you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
