Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
