I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
