i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
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