Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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