dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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