Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
How does one acquire holy water?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
