you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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