Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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