you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
