his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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