god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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