I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
