oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
