i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
