You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
