Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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