He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
