Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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