im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
