we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
