I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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