Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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