Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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