she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Are we still banned from the library?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Well I just put wine in my tea
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Randomize
