Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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