so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
