You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
