I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It's shark week go big or go home
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
