So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
