I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
